


The Edges Of Reality

by chaos_is_welcome



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 5x23, Quick and dirty and written from my phone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11060580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaos_is_welcome/pseuds/chaos_is_welcome
Summary: There are times that Oliver's present blends with his past. Real or not real? Five times he gets lost between what was, what is, and what could have been.





	The Edges Of Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Hastily written on my phone. All mistakes are mine. Yay for feeling the need to write again, I guess?

There are times when reality blurs together with the past for Oliver; moments where the horrors of his origin bleed through his memory to drown out the present, making it impossible to discern the now from the nightmares and to recall which things were even real at all. This is one of those moments.

As Oliver clutches William and listens to Adrian Chase speak of his father's death, and of how difficult it will be to go on without "Mom and Felicity," and how Oliver destroys everything he touches, he can almost feel the rough swells from the night the Gambit went down. He can feel the vice on his heart from watching Sara literally slip through his fingers, the complete disbelief as his dad pulls a gun and shoots his steward. Robert Queen's face bleeds together with Chase's, and while the words twist, the idea is the same.

Legacy. William would lose as Chase had lost, as Oliver had. The loss of a parent. And Oliver would lose for putting William above everyone. He had closed so many doors to keep William safe, and as a result, William was the only one her could keep safe. Safe, but no longer innocent. Or untouched. Because Oliver understood. Even as he smelled the rain that wasn't there, and as Chase's face blended with his father's, he knew those words had meaning.  He smelled the gun powder and watched Chase's dark matter splatter on the cabin wall (and that, at least, was definately on the now, because it had been too grey ten years ago to see his father's brains splatter into the live boat. It wasn't until later, when the gore was dry and the birds were trying to make a meal of what was left of his father that Oliver could see the damage a 45 renders at point blank range.)

He could feel the heat as he heard the blasts, and Oliver knew his world was ending. Again. The bombs on Lian Yu exploded in rapid succession, and with them memories.  Some good, some bad, but all twisting the knife that penetrated what was left of his dark and weary soul.

 _You can trust me._ Felicity handing him the List.

Diggle, shaking his hand.

Thea, all warrior, dressed in red.

Sara, slipping through his hands a second time on the Amazo.

Shado, on her knees in front of Ivo.

His mother, on her knees in front of Slade.

His father, after the gulls had been after his face.

_I believe in you._

_You are not alone_.

Except he was.  Here wasn't, not really, because William was there, but the losses lined up in front of Oliver, a procession of failures. That vice squeezed, and the inferno before him morphed into memory after memory.

Quentin, who had suffered so much loss at Oliver's own hand. First Sara, more times than was fair, then Laurel.

_How many people can Oliver Queen lose before there is no more Oliver Queen?_

Slade...brother turned enemy turned ghost turned last ditch hope. Felicity, beautiful and brave and made of steel, sticking a syringe into Slade's neck, mirakuru be damned.

Felicity. Saving him. Walking away. Saving him again.

_You have to let me go._

_Just in case._

_I love you._

_You don't have to bear that burden any longer._

The vice in his chest squeezed. Purgatory burned. Memories shimmered and turned to nightmares that were apparently now his reality. The only thing that held the fragments together as Oliver drifted was the knowledge that William needed him. Because he had just lost his world, too.

Gone. They were all gone. The boat drifted as Oliver did, and the world burned to ash before his eyes.


End file.
